she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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