out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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