We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
