I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize