I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
