My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
