My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
