i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
