All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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