I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
