Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
