Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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