Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
