and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
