i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
