The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
