I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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