you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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