I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
