whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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