he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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