i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
