brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize