id be glad to
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
