he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
