Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
