I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
