yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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