i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
