the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
