anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
