he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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