I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
