I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
