is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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