When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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