cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
