you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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