There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
