I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
