Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
