K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
