but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
