Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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