Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
