he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize