Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
