we have pet lesbian snakes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
organizing the empties. That sober.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
