I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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