Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think people are normalizing furries
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
