My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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