the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
3pm strippers are depressing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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