This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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