I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
