Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
