No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
