Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
