I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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