In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize