You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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