we have pet lesbian snakes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize