I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
