Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
