i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
