Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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