"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
