I bet he comes in French.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
