i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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