i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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