How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
