I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
