Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
