I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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