I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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