ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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