If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
