Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
