i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
MIDGETS
????
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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