before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
bring money and cleavage
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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