well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
