arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
