You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its about making memories worth repressing
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
