My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
