You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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