and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
