Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
