You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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