Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
