mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
