i don't like sucking hair
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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