What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worst night to have a conscience
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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