my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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