I think my vagina is haunted
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
