im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
