Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize