i think my mom watched the whole time
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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