listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
