google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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