toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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