Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
