Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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