Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
