I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
