No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize