I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
