i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
