i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
