just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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