In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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