i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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